If you don't love yourself you will never be able to love anybody else. If you are not kind to yourself you cannot be kind to anybody else. Your so-called saints who are so very hard on themselves are just pretending that they are kind to others. Psychologically it is impossible. If you cannot be kind to yourself, how can you be kind to others? We always think that to love, one needs somebody else. But if you don't learn it with yourself you will not be able to practice it with others.

You have been told, constantly conditioned, that you are unworthy, that you are not what you should be, that you are not accepted as you are. There are many shoulds hanging over your head, and they are almost impossible to fulfill. When you cannot fulfill them, when you fall short, you feel condemned. A deep hatred arises in you about yourself.

How can you love others? So full of hatred...where are you going to find love? So you only pretend that you are in love. Deep down you are not in love with anybody; you cannot be. Those pretensions are good for a few days; then reality asserts itself.

Sooner or later, every love affair becomes very poisoned. How does it become so poisoned? Both pretend that they are loving; both go on saying that they love. The whole world talks about love, sings about love - and can you find any place so loveless? Not an iota of love exists - just mountains of talk, Himalayas of poetry about love.
Love is absolutely absent, because the first step has not been taken yet.

The first step is: accept yourself as you are; drop all shoulds. Don't carry any ought on your heart! You are not to be somebody else. Be respectful to your individuality.

When you are not trying to become anybody else, you simply relax - then a grace arises. Then you are full of grandeur, splendor, harmony. There is no conflict, nowhere to go, nothing to fight for. There is nothing to force upon yourself. You become innocent. In that innocence you will feel compassion and love for yourself. Compassion arises when you are perfectly grounded in your being. You say, "Yes, this is the way I am." You have no ideals to fulfill - and immediately fulfillment starts happening! Everything is the way it is. Just see the point. Just be yourself and remember you cannot be anything else, whatsoever you do. All effort is futile. You have to be yourself.

There are only two ways. One is rejecting; you can remain the same, condemning. Or you can remain the same accepting, surrendering, enjoying, delighting. Your attitude can be different, but you are going to remain the way you are. Once you accept, compassion arises and then you start accepting others.

POQ
When you are not trying to become anybody else, you simply relax - then a grace arises. Then you are full of grandeur, splendor, harmony.